The Four Stages Of Following Dan Bilzerian
— 26 May 2015

The Four Stages Of Following Dan Bilzerian

— 26 May 2015
Boss Hunting
Boss Hunting

The insane growth and addictiveness of social media has give us a tinted view of the lives of millions of people. Film stars, musicians, models, entrepreneurs and even politicians update their profiles just as regularly as the rest of us to drive engagement and (dare we say) generate the self gratification social media has so cleverly addicted us to. But a new class of celebrity has entered the media realm in the past few years; self promoted, self obsessed social media playboy.

For his 9 million or so Instagram followers, Bilzerian provides near daily updates on how to live the most extravagant, masculine, care free lifestyle. His photos of weapons, naked women and cash, paint an image of him being possibly the most successful male in the jungle, a man who does doesn’t give a shit what people think.

But our opinion of public figures is fluid. In fact, due to the constant proximity to Instagram, Facebook, Youtube etc, our opinion of celebrities can change in seconds. So what are the stages of opinion for the self confessed King of Instagram.

Stage 1. The “this guy is killing it” stage.

He is literally the epitome of man. BOSS, DON, LEGEND, GANGSTER, GEEZER, BIG DOG … Seriously, someone get me a genie in a bottle and let me have the guys life. Even his name is awesome.

So your friend just tagged you in a post about Mr. Bilzerian or maybe you read it on some blog somewhere, but one thing is for sure, the more you see of this guy the more you want what he’s got. Private jets, scantily clad models professing their love for him, LOADS OF MONEY, rapid fire guns, pricey watches, outrageous cars, cuban cigars, expensive booze, the modern LA home, the night lit horizon pool, big biceps (and possibly fake abs), more money, helicopters, wild animals, celebrity friends, yachts, scandalous parties, first-class travel and last but not least, attention.

Yeah, 9 million+ people think this guy is worth following, so he must be a big deal. He clearly does what he wants, when he wants and everyone knows it.

In fact you think that he’s such a boss that your share it with your friends to make damn sure they know who this guy is too. Obviously, you hope that they heard it from you first.

Stage 2. The “OK, so, this is all he does then?” stage

Alright, so, you have loads of money and cars and women and stuff but, like, what do you actually do?

Maybe its the tenth picture of his peculiar looking cat “Smushball”, posing next to a firearm that looks like its straight off the Call of Duty front cover that has you questioning what is actually going on in this guys mind. Or maybe its that story you read about Mr Bilzerian throwing a pornstar off a roof which resulted in her breaking her ankle. Or maybe your just starting to feel like all these photos are planned and implemented to precision, reminiscent of what teenage girls do before their first illegal night out (“wait, wait, wait this is my best side”). Who knows, but stage 2 is when Mr Bilzerian’s profile has stopped providing that authentic bad ass glow it radiated before. You start to question why the guy is doing this with his life. I know it looks cool, but whats the point?

But part of you still has to hand it him. He keeps stepping up his game, theres more guns, more girls and more celebrities. He’s getting more followers and more people are talking about him. He must be doing something right….. So what he apparently kicked a girl in the face at in a nightclub? Even bad publicity is good publicity. He’s still cool right?

Stage 3. The “National Geographic > Dan Bilzerian” stage

Seriously, the more photos we see of him the more we feel sorry for him. There is nothing going on in his life other than Guns, Women and cars. Name one achievement Dan. Just one.

Actually, the National Geographic Instagram isn’t such a bad Instagram to be compared to, its full of interesting, cultured research that industry experts have carried out and shared for the education and benefit of others. More than we can say for Mr. Bilzerian who we now wonder why we even followed in the first place. Granted, those cars still look awesome and the planes are really nice, but the writing on girls chests has been tacky since you were 15 and having giraffes at your party is an embarrassing cry for attention as long as the animal’s neck.

In a country that is struggling with a huge cultural gun problem and just fought two cripplingly expensive wars, glamourising firearms doesn’t seem like the most sophisticated or educated move does it Dan? Also, the derogatory sexualisation of women doesn’t endear yourself to anyone Dan, male or female. Both sexes think you need a reality check and to consider what your feminine appeal would be if you didn’t have quite so much money.

Finally, the big question. What do you actually do? We all heard you were a professional poker player, but an average one at that. We also heard you inherited a load of money which we suppose would make sense. Most people know someone thats been given a load of cool stuff without actually earning it. How do we feel about them? Not great.

So without getting too deep or cynical we suppose the big question of all human beings on this planet is how much they have actually contributed. Have they done anything to help society, people, or the human race. If that related to the number of followers you have on social media, We think you may be fairly low, Dan.

Stage 4. The “I just realised I’m still talking about someone who is actually no one” stage

This stage is brief and disappointing. Maybe Mr Bilzerian’s goal is just to get attention and by reading this article he has got just what he wants. Well if that’s your goal in life, we suppose you have succeeded. Nice one Dan.

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