Editors Note: Here at Boss Hunting we like to have a bit of fun. It's a part of the job description really. Normally this fun entails fast cars, exotic locations, big burgers and - if it's not a school night - perhaps a nice drop of whisky. However, if the opportunity arises to engage in a bit of friendly banter with one of our Australian media counterparts, then that's also something we would classify as a good time.
Recently, for one of our resident writers, Joel Bevilacqua, one such opportunity arose. It's a story of deception so audacious that it would make Frank Abagnale Jr. proud, and we found it too damn funny not to share with you.
We'll let Joel take it from here...
Well this whole thing really started because of you lot, so I expect a "Free Joel" campaign if any lawyers come a-knocking (I've already got some good t-shirt ideas.)
I say this is partly your fault, as in order to better serve you fair readers I am currently studying a subject at university called 'Reviewing the Arts'. As part of my end of year portfolio for this subject I chose to review Jaume Collet-Serra's 2016 thriller, The Shallows (for those of you haven't seen the film, The Shallows is essentially 90 minutes of Serena from Gossip Girl being stalked by a shark whilst stuck on a rock).
I chose to write the review from what I imagine to be the perspective of those sanctimonious people who feel the need to comment on every single shark sighting/attack story shared on Facebook. These people I'm speaking of normally write something along the lines of "Oh wow, a shark spotted in the ocean, what a suprise!"; or, "They knew the risks when they entered the water"; or my personal favourite, in cases where someone has defended themself during an attack: "I hate humans".
Let me clarify. In saying this I don't mean (nor does BH) that all sharks should be killed, I just think having to endure 90 minutes with one of these people would be a far more painful experience than any shark attack ever could be.
Anyway, the review was a complete piss-take; 100% satirical, fictional and so utterly ridiculous that it got to the point where I no longer thought I could hand it it in. But I'd written the thing and it seemed like a waste to not doing anything with it...
I decided then, to shop it around to a few equally sanctimonious, self-indulgent and overly PC publications. I did this mainly with the intention of messing with them, but I was also curious as to whether any had lost the plot to the extent that they would actually consider the review to be serious. So I sent off an email under the alias "Joellene Drinkwater" (a nice touch, I know.)
This is a transcript of the email I sent:
My name is Joellene, I'm 28-years-old and recently completed a Bachelor of Journalism at the University of the Sunshine Coast. I'm really passionate about animals and I will be looking to defend them wherever I can now that I have my degree!
I have attached a review I wrote on the 2016 thriller The Shallows, that I think you might be interested in publishing. I know you might be thinking the film is no longer topical since it was released last year, however I think you'll be surprised to find the content of the review is both relevant and eye-opening.
I found some very serious flaws and instances of defamation in the movie, which nobody else seems to have identified as of yet.
Looking forward to hearing your thoughts!
In response to my email I was expecting something along the lines of "Nice try, now f#@k off!"
I was wrong.
They loved it. In fact, they loved it so much that they were willing to offer me $50 for my efforts! I couldn't believe it.
Dumbfounded, I thanked Mamamia for their kind words and gave my blessing for the them to use the piece. Even after I had given permission though, I was still skeptical as to whether the review would actually get published - which is a testimony to just how insane it really was.
Sunday soon came around though and when I checked Mamamia's page, sure enough, there it was. Mamamia had not only published the review but also shared it with their 1 million-plus audience on Facebook!
If you want a laugh you can read the review for yourself via the link below. I would also advise reading some of the comments left on the post: Mamamia were not the only ones who failed to see the sarcasm...
Editors Note (again): Mamamia have deleted the post and FB post but we have it here for you to read in perpetuity.