As I put pen to paper this very moment โ or rather, finger to keyboard โ Iโm still unsure if this article is a good idea. Mainly because Iโm second-guessing if any of you are actually game enough to take on the challenge that is the turtleneck.
Hell, I canโt even write the word โturtleneckโ without having a little chuckle to myself. But if Iโve got you this far, it means one thing: youโre curious, open-minded perhaps, and I can work with that.
If pretentiousness and geekiness were your first thoughts when you read โturtleneckโ in this articleโs title, youโd be forgiven for thinking so. As one Shortlist writer succinctly summarised it, the turtleneck, for many many years, belonged solely to, โ.. the domain of pretentious art school wankers and kids in bands nobody listened to.โ
And theyโre not wrong. Maybe though, just maybe, it has been one incredibly misunderstood garment that is about to come back out swinging this winter.
The turtleneck is a very deliberate item of clothing. Itโs a clear, premeditated choice. Nobody ever just throws on a turtleneck. You donโt wake up one day and decide to wear a turtleneck. You donโt wear a turtleneck to Friday drinks with the boys. You donโt wear a turtleneck on a date or to the office. You donโt wear a turtleneck to Sunday brunch. You just donโt wear a turtleneck ever. Or so youโve been led to believe.
The situations that call for a turtleneck arenโt your everyday affairs. Keywords that come to mind include alpine getaway, dinner with the in-laws, a night at the theatre, or perhaps a high-stakes spy mission a la Sterling Archer (see: tactleneck).
Aside from a secret agentโs weapon of choice, however, the turtleneck is many things, and I would be lying if I said some of these things werenโt overwhelming to the everyday bloke, myself included.
At face value the turtleneck is classy and suave, but as we unravel its layers, youโll soon begin to realise itโs a very powerful addition to your outfit. And this is also why itโs so intimidating.
You have to wear the turtleneck, not the other way around. Itโs a very strong look. Some may think itโs flamboyant, but in fact, the turtleneck screams sophistication and masculinity. In a turtleneck, youโll need to expect the attention, so you better fucking own it. By owning it, youโre quickly the most strapping and intriguing man in the room.
A turtleneck isolates your jawline. If you donโt really have one, it makes one for you. It frames your face, fits any body type, and even if youโre as lanky as I am, a slight push back up the sleeves or pairing with a light jacket will remedy any apprehensions, replacing them all with an effortless sense of cool.
And while everyone is freezing their tits off youโll be the warmest of the bunch. Youโll also be able to keep your lighter jackets in rotation for longer; pairing it with a bomber or denim option will get you the Michael Douglas circa 1971 look (as depicted above).
Canโt master a double Windsor knot? Or perhaps youโre simply looking to stand out from the pack? Throw a dark blazer over a turtleneck and youโve got a suave, sartorial ensemble that not a single person will be able to match. George Clooney is a master at this.
The general rule is to always opt for a thickly knitted turtleneck, black preferably (maybe dark navy if you absolutely have to). Donโt ever wear any thin, skivvy-like bullshit turtlenecks, especially not under a flamboyant patterned suit that looks like itโs straight off the runway from Milan Fashion Week. Not only will you look like a proper flog, but youโll undo all the good the turtleneck can do for you. It may be trial and error, but always try to match the turtleneck to the situation and the season.
Not quite convinced or still unsure on what that situation might be? A quick glance at some of historyโs most influential and powerful men will show you they all have something uniquely in common.
Godspeed, gentlemen.
