Stripper Hilariously Explains Why She Can Predict Markets Better Than Bankers

Remember that canary-in-the-coal-mine scene from The Big Short? You know, the one where Steve Carrell’s Mark Baum realises the global economy was approaching a historic decline in a goddamn strip club? As it turns out, that scene’s steeped in an alarming amount of reality. So much so that your everyday stripper can predict markets better than most finance professionals. At least according to a certain netizen by the name of @botticellibimbo / reversecowgirl6, who recently instigated a viral Twitter thread on the subject.

“The strip club is sadly a leading indicator and I can promise y’all: we’re in a recession lmao,” tweeted @botticellibimbo / reversecowgirl69.

The Oracle of Orgasm City – or “Whoracle” as she playfully dubbed herself – then added how stock alerts are routinely used to decide whether it’s worth going to work; and how a strip club is more of an “operative tool for business” rather than just a “sin.”

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“We always have to be aware of fluctuations in the market and how upper-class white men are behaving and spending their money.”

In reference to the 2001 Enron Corp scandal, @botticellibimbcoo / reversecowgirl69 revealed strip clubs were where energy salesmen brought their clients and recruiters brought “prospective finance bros” due to how “deeply integrated” adult entertainment was within the business world. “Were.” Lol.

“One day, I’ll write about how Enron shaped Houston strip club culture in terms of zoning laws, normalisation, etc… which will genuinely be me coming full circle since we emigrated to the US for my dad’s job at Enron,” wrote @botticellibimbo / reversecowgirl69.

Given how strip clubs are a cash-flow-heavy enterprise and extra-curricular thrills are generally the first lifestyle element to be axed in hard times, there’s certainly something to all this. And just in case you’re not quite convinced, @botticellibimbo / reversecowgirl69 went on to disclose how end-of-year bonuses “make up a large part of strip club revenue,” further emphasising the intrinsic relationship between the adult entertainment venues and economic conditions.

“Ask ANY stripper — we have to be aware of how rich people are going to spend their money. Stripping is betting on how the rich spend their money. You’re gonna tell me that isn’t just a stock exchange?”

“Every single stripper I know is a better trend forecaster than any finance bro or marketing exec.”

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One user even confirmed the thesis by responding with a personal anecdote that occurred in early 2007, right before the Global Financial Crisis. As it so happens, the user’s friend who was stripping at the time said “the club is way too dead for way too long,” advising them to sell their stock positions before buying again once the market crashed.

“I thought she was crazy. But she did it and she ended up almost doubling her money.”

“Sex work has survived through every war, recession, and decline of empires,” tweeted @botticellibimbo / reversecowgirl69.

“It will survive while other “sins” are goods consumed.”

Now watch the hardos hit up their favourite stripper on a weekday after-hours session to “predict the markets” and call it a “business expense.”

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