Collins Street has its opinions. Martin Place has its uniform. And whether you're grinding through your first grad rotation at CBA or quietly running what you call an “event-driven special situations fund” from Level 42, your quarter-zip is doing more communicating than you probably realise.
It signals your bonus bracket, your tailor situation, your approximate relationship with the concept of work-life balance.
It is, in short, a full professional biography rendered in merino (or cashmere if this year’s bonus is looking particularly sizeable).
We've worked our way from the grad desk to the boardroom, so you know exactly where you stand - and more importantly, so does everyone else in the lift at 50 Martin Place.
The Graduate Analyst
Uniqlo 100% Australian Merino Half-Zip – $69
Two months in, he still has HECS debt up to his eyeballs and tells everyone at Ryan’s Bar that he’s "in finance."
Watched Industry Season 1 and decided that sounded pretty cool, which is as close to a career plan as he had at the time. Spends his lunch break reading macro commentary he doesn't fully understand, and his evenings on CFA Level 1 flashcards he definitely doesn't understand.
The Uniqlo merino is, genuinely, an excellent piece of knitwear for $69. He’ll likely wear it until someone tells him there's another option, which will take longer than it should.
Best For: Telling Everyone At The Grad BBQ You're "Across A Few Deals At The Moment"
The Area Manager
Rodd & Gunn Alton Ave Sweat – $139
Fifteen years at NAB. Knows the business banking small print better than anyone in the building, including the people who wrote it, two of whom have since left for fintechs and come back.
Has a parking spot, a team of four, and zero interest in equity markets, which he will establish within the first four minutes of any conversation. Is not gunning for MD. Is not optimising his LinkedIn. Went to the footy Saturday, had a roast Sunday, arrived Monday with the energy of a man who has genuinely switched off – which is somehow the most threatening thing about him.
The Rodd & Gunn is exactly right - solid, unpretentious, not trying to be anything it isn't. Friday lunch is a pint & schnitzel at the Occidental, where he's been going since 2009.
Best For: Genuinely Liking Your Job, Which Makes Your Colleagues Slightly Uncomfortable
The Senior Manager, Agri & Commercial Lending
R.M. Williams Mulyungarie Sweatshirt – $149
ANZ agri lending, Collins Street, which is a sentence that contains two things that don't obviously belong together, and yet here he is, thriving.
Covers a portfolio from the Wimmera to the Riverina, has eaten at restaurants in Horsham that he would genuinely recommend, and spent a long weekend on a client's cattle station outside Mansfield that he brings up with a frequency inversely proportional to how much anyone asks. MCC member. Drives a Prado.
The RM brushed fleece makes complete sense on him and absolutely no sense on the person wearing the same thing in South Yarra, and he is aware of this.
Best For: Conversations About Rainfall That Go Longer Than Anybody Wants
The Associate Director, Private Wealth
Charles Tyrwhitt Pure Merino Zip-Neck – $129
Works for a senior private banker at one of the Swiss houses on Bligh Street (not Deutsche, he's clarified twice), which he describes at dinner parties with the careful vagueness of a man who knows the name-dropping is available but has decided restraint plays better.
Calls clients "ultra-high-net-worth" in the CRM, "the Vaucluse money" in the kitchen, and "someone I look after" at his sister's wedding. Has a client entertainment budget that exceeds his base salary, a standing reservation at Wongs, and a morning routine that takes forty-five minutes. Sends emails that open with "Hope this finds you well" to people he saw twenty minutes ago.
The Tyrwhitt quarter zip is exactly where he needs to be right now - presentable, considered, quietly signalling that he is on his way somewhere. He is, in fairness, on his way somewhere.
Best For: Expensing An $800 Lunch As "Relationship Management"
The Vice President, Investment Banking
P. Johnson Merino Quarter-Zip – $395
Third year as a VP at Rothschild’s. Cleared a bonus last February that had him on the phone with his Patek AD before he'd made it back to the office.
His sent folder between midnight and 2 AM is a document of psychological interest. Has Patrick Johnson on speed dial under “Patch”, uses the word "cloth" without prompting, and now notices when other people's trousers break wrong. Sends "thoughts?" as a standalone email. Leaves at 10 PM and calls it a half-day. Dreams of moving into Private Equity.
The PJ merino is exceptional, and he thought about it for three weeks before buying it, which is the only decision he has made slowly in two years.
Best For: Sending Emails At 11:43 PM To Make Sure His MD Can See The Timestamp
The MD
Luca Faloni Cable Knit Cashmere Zip-Up – $675
Twelve years at Lazard, then a stint in Singapore that he describes as “formative” (nobody knows what was formed). Now runs a nine-person fund with a couple of Bloomberg terminals, standing desks, and a case of Clos du Mesnil in the cabinet for when a deal closes.
Flies Melbourne-Sydney return, every week, year-round, in business class. Has a house on the cliff in Portsea that he refers to as "the beach house".
The Luca Faloni cashmere cable knit is the garment equivalent of all of this: specific, considered, and not cheap in a way that is never the point.
Best For: Describing Your Fund's Strategy As "Quite Niche" To Someone Whose AUM Is Larger
The Chairman
Johnstons of Elgin Rory Classic Cashmere Contrast Zip-Neck – $1,450
Doesn't carry a briefcase. Has a reserved table at Shell House and a standing arrangement at the bar at Gimlet when he's in Melbourne. Once sat on the RBA board, which surfaces only when someone else raises it.
The Johnstons of Elgin has been made at the same mill in Hawick, Scotland, since 1797, in a cashmere so fine it functions less as clothing and more as a position statement.
Though he didn't seek it out. It was purchased by his EA - whose job, in part, is to know these things. They bought it in two different colourways and had one shipped to the Bellevue Hill house and one to the London pied-à-terre (his degenerate 24-year-old son currently lives there while he “figures out what he wants to do”).
Best For: Looking The Part In Davos (The Only Time He Feels Poor)
