The unfortunate reality is that, given enough time and money, nothing cool can ever simply exist. This week, it was the James Bond franchiseโs day of reckoning at the hands of Amazon MGM Studios.
There had been creeping dread ever since Bezosโ business empire acquired the studio behind 007 for the past 60+ years. And as it turns out, our gut instincts were correct: we shouldโve never ignored the writing on the wall.
After a protracted stalemate that culminated in whatโs been described as a โrelationship collapseโ between Amazon and longtime producers/dutiful stewards of the franchise โ Barbara Broccoli and Michael G. Wilson (heirs to Albert โCubbyโ Broccoli) โ the former has seized โcreative controlโ of the beloved spy series in an undisclosed financial deal.
Apparently, the best way to make your terrible ideas โgoodโ is to gag the dissenting voices of reason with the GDP of a small nation and steamroll ahead. But granted, this is the double-edged sword of the notion that โcreativityโ should never be a democracy.
Broccoli and Wilson, on the other hand, have taken a step back for a new joint venture that โhouses the James Bond intellectual property.โ
This latest development comes amid reports that Barbara Broccoli did not trust the โalgorithm-centric Amazonโ to treat the ongoing Bond mythology with care (she called them โf**king idiots,โ according to The Wall Street Journal).
Rightfully so if the rumblings about a potential MCU-ification of 007 are to be believed; complete with needless TV spin-offs, bastardised origin stories, retconned lore, and a competition series. It wouldnโt exactly be the first time either. Some lessons are never learned, I suppose.
Within mere hours of Amazonโs concerning victory, Jeff Bezos โ an unnervingly solid analogue for a real-life James Bond villain; right down to the $100 million lava field lair, insane superyacht, and space-faring exploits โ had the temerity to solicit casting advice from X (formerly Twitter):
โWhoโd you pick as the next Bond?โ
Let me be perfectly clear: if you canโt even create slop feed content without polling data or audience analytics, frankly, you donโt deserve the opportunity. You deserve a quiet corner in the nursery and a box of non-toxic crayons (I also donโt trust you enough to not munch on those colourful sticks).
The bad guys won. To paraphrase the late great Heath Ledger in a certain blockbuster, the regular cinemagoing populace deserves a better class of criminal.
Letโs raise a toast to the forthcoming Moneypenny prequels, young Bond animated series, and whatever Grade-A bulls**t the same folks behind My Spy: The Eternal City starring Dave Bautista are gleefully pitching behind hermetically sealed doors. All of which will likely be fronted by personalities who have the requisite social media following.
RIP James Bond (1962-2025).
