50 Things To Do In Melbourne Now The Grand Prix Is Cancelled

Well… I don’t think we need to explain what has happened in Melbourne these last twenty-four hours. COVID-19. McLaren pulling out. Entire Australian Formula 1 Grand Prix cancelled.

If you’re anything like us here at BH, you may have even cleared the entire week to be in Melbourne – only to have the ice cream smacked out of your hand.

Here are 50 things to do in Melbourne instead.

1. Go-karting (like we’re about to in T-minus 30 minutes)
2. Paintball
3. Drinking
4. Lots of drinking
5. Indoor drinking
6. Outdoor drinking
7. Run around in circles
8. Run to the beach
9. Take to Twitter
10. Stew on Twitter
11. Cop a nice steak at any of these fine Melbourne establishments
12. Explore the laneway
13. Attempt a hook turn
14. Fail at a hook turn
15. Fail to understand a hook turn
16. Call your insurance provider
17. Ride a tram
18. Spend some time at the Melbourne Zoo
19. Get kicked out of the Melbourne Zoo for heckling the seals
20. Go to Dutton Garage
21. Imagine what could have been at Dutton Garage
22. Order a Melbourne coffee
23. Take a sip of a Melbourne coffee
24. Arrive at the conclusion that Melbourne coffee isn’t really greater than Sydney coffee
25. Tell the barista exactly that and have said coffee dumped on your lap
26. Head to the State Library
27. Find a dictionary at the State Library
28. Look up the definition of “disappointment” in the dictionary at a State Library
29. Remember to call Mum
30. Apologise to Mum just for… everything
31. Spend some time at the Melbourne Aquarium
32. Get kicked out of the Melbourne Aquarium for heckling the penguins
33. Cop some dim sum in South Melbourne
34. Become a captain for a day on the Yarra with GoBoat (bonus: dog friendly)
35. Walk around Federation Square and take in the defeated atmosphere
36. Head to Crown Casino
37. Lose it all at Crown Casino
38. Head to Brighton Beach
39. Swim out from Brighton Beach
40. Keep swimming out from Brighton Beach
41. Wake up on the shores of Brighton Beach after lifeguards resuscitate you
42. Buy some new underwear at Bourke St Mall
43. Take an Uber back to your accommodation
44. Cry in bed
45. Enjoy some cinema at the Underground Cinema
46. Cop some brunch at Higher Ground
47. Take a $150 Uber to the airport
48. Run into Kimi Raikkonen, Sebastian Vettel, and Lewis Hamilton who have been camped there for the last 12 hours
49. Get tackled by security when you stifle a cough
50. Reflect on the week that has been as your $80 Jetstar panic booking takes off