Editor’s Note: This story originally appeared in Volume 6 of B.H. Magazine.
B.H. Magazine: What are the biggest pressures facing men and fathers today, and how do financial stress, work demands, and shifting family roles collide?
Dr Zac Seidler: The pressure points have shifted dramatically. Work has always been tied to men’s sense of achievement and worth, but today we’re seeing job instability, the gig economy, and AI disrupting traditional career paths. Add to that the cost-of-living crisis and housing affordability, and the traditional markers of success feel further out of reach. For fathers, the bind is sharper: being expected to be emotionally available parents while still carrying the provider burden. Workplaces rarely provide the flexibility needed to juggle both, so men end up stretched thin. This teething between old ideas of manhood and today’s evolving roles is still playing out, and it’s fuelling a breakdown in social connection and already high rates of loneliness. The way forward is rejecting the superhero myth. You can’t be everything to everyone. It’s about conscious trade-offs, honest conversations with your partner, and finding value in more than just pay cheques so setbacks don’t wipe out your sense of self.
It’s common for men to stay silent about stress. How can couples create space to talk?
Men stay silent because vulnerability feels like failure. We need to reframe it: sharing stress isn’t weakness, it’s load-sharing. I suggest structured check-ins – even just 15 minutes on a Sunday night – where both partners share what’s ahead. Routine is key; it stops stress talks from being crisis-driven. Start with small wins, then move into worries. Use “I” instead of “you” statements to avoid defensiveness. Even asking, “What have you got in the tank today?” helps set expectations. If one partner’s at 25 per cent and the other’s at 70 per cent, the stronger one steps up.
How can men cope with separation or divorce without losing their identity?
Relationship breakdown devastates men because we often define ourselves by our roles – husband, father, provider. When that scaffolding collapses, the identity crisis is profound. Our research at Movember shows men’s suicide risk spikes after separation. With social connections often neglected, the safety nets just aren’t there. The path forward is building identity beyond relationship status and to maintain structure and routine. Prioritise meaningful time with kids – not just McDonald’s visits but bedtime stories, homework, the stuff that matters. And make friendships happen, no matter how awkward it feels at first. Isolation is the worst outcome for a social species like us.
Loneliness is often called a modern epidemic. How does it compound other pressures?
When you’re isolated, every stressor magnifies. Financial pressure becomes catastrophic thinking, relationship problems become proof you’re unlovable. The antidote is proactive connection. Don’t let stubbornness or discomfort hold you back – this isn’t the time for a stiff upper lip. The men’s wellness industry might push supplements and biohacks, but no pill adds years to your life like a good mate will. Side-by-side activity – running, sport, even a walk – creates natural check-ins without forcing vulnerability.
How do cultural ideals of masculinity, especially ones projected online, feed these pressures?
Online masculinity influencers sell a seductive myth: if you’re rich enough, ripped enough, and alpha enough you’ll never feel vulnerable. Our research shows young men who consume this content often feel more optimistic about their personal prospects, yet they report worse mental health and riskier behaviours. Being “in control” isn’t about cutting off parts of yourself – it’s knowing your limits, knowing who to call, and recognising the rhythms of your own mind. Lone wolf masculinity is a dead end. The wolf without a pack always loses.
The manosphere promises self-improvement but often slips in toxic messaging. How can young men resist?
That’s the trick – fitness and finance tips are bundled with regressive views on gender and relationships. Influencers weaponise young men’s unmet needs, turning them into grievances. Algorithms make it worse, mutating the desire to improve into anger or cynicism. The antidote is clarity: what actually matters to you? Contribution over accumulation. Relationships over followers. Growth over perfection. Success isn’t a Lamborghini at 25 – it’s sustainable wellbeing and meaningful connections. Seek mentors who model vulnerability alongside strength.
Is there something employers could do to better support men’s mental health?
We need to move beyond Friday drinks as the default wellbeing policy. Men won’t engage with programs that don’t feel designed for them. Peer support networks, mental health first-aiders who look like the workforce, and leaders who model help-seeking all matter. Most important, fix the structures: flexible hours, parental leave, hybrid work options. Workplace inflexibility directly fuels parenting stress for fathers. Flexible work isn’t just for mums.
Movember’s ‘[mo]re than a run’ (Saturday, 29 November) ties movement to connection. Why is that powerful?
Physical activity with mates is golden – it creates connection without the pressure of face-to-face vulnerability. Many men open up more side-by-side. Run clubs, gym buddies, sports teams; they’re mental health interventions in disguise. The exercise is secondary to the routine, the shared goals, and the check-ins.
What’s one morning habit that genuinely helps mental clarity?
Forget the 5 am cold plunge brigade. One habit you can actually sustain beats twenty you’ll ditch by February. My pick? Keep your phone out of your bedroom and don’t touch it for the first half hour of the day. Get sunlight, move a little. It will regulate your rhythm and build a buffer between sleep and the day’s demands. The Huberman checklists work for some, but most men need simplicity, not another source of guilt. I’ve found that rewarding small wins with a simple “good job” to yourself goes a long way.
What’s the best way to wind down at the end of the day?
Create a transition ritual between work and home – a shower, a change of clothes, even five quiet minutes in the car. You need to metabolise the day before it contaminates family time. Avoid numbing patterns like beer and Netflix. Try “worry time” – ten minutes of writing down your concerns, then closing the notebook. It sounds odd, but it gives anxiety boundaries.
If somebody reading this takes one step today to ease stress, what should it be?
Just make the call. Reach out to one mate. Not with problems, just connection. “Missin’ you mate, want to grab a coffee?” Connection is the antidote to almost every stressor we’ve discussed. It doesn’t solve financial pressure or relationship problems, but it makes them survivable. And that call might save a life – yours or theirs. From there you should give the TCS method a go: Text a mate weekly, Call them monthly, and See them quarterly, at a minimum. Remember, we’re trying to reduce male suicide rates here. This isn’t always about optimisation, it’s about keeping men alive and helping them thrive.
Need support or want to learn more about men’s mental health? Call Lifeline on 13 11 14, or visit au.movember.com
