Sony Pictures has gone ahead and done what they do best, deciding in their infinite wisdom to give the world something absolutely no one asked for: a reboot of Anaconda.
Currently being penned by Evan Daugherty – the literary talent behind such memorable cinematic works as Snowhite and the Hunstman, Divergent, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, The Hunstman: Winter’s War, and Tomb Raider – you can imagine the calibre of scripting we’re about to be served.
The original Anaconda was released in 1997, made with a US$45 million budget against a US$136.8 million global box office take. Starring Jennifer Lopez, Ice Cube, Jon Voight, Eric Stoltz, and Owen Wilson, the horror film was quite the success. Though keep in mind it was a very different time in the world. One with optimism.
Since then, Anaconda has spawned an additional four films. Each one with more and more obscure names, less and less box office revenue (the last three were made for television), as well as bankrupting itself in terms of dignity. We have…
- Anaconda: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid (where they search for a flower that grants immortality?)
- Anaconda 3: Offspring (where a team of mercenaries are forced to hunt down a lab-grown super snake)
- Anacondas: Trail of Blood (where they attempt to destroy the immortality flower before being threatened by a big ass snake)
- and Lake Placid vs. Anaconda (where an accident allows two giant species of crocodiles and anacondas to be regenerated and somehow sorority girls are involved)
Yeah. Our expectations are about as high as yours at this point.