Thanks to bestselling 1982 novel The G Spot by sexologist Beverly Whipple PhD and John D. Perry, you’d be forgiven for thinking the ‘G-spot’ is a real thing.
The book provided the roadmap to every woman’s innate and endless ‘orgasm button’, with only one condition – all you had to do was find it. For forty years its rhetoric has been responsible for both insane, mind-blowing pleasure, and complete disappointment. But, as it turns out, the G-spot isn’t easy to find… because it doesn’t exist at all. At least by any scientific yardstick.
Cited in the Journal of Sexual Medicine as a “gynaecological UFO”, psychology professor Terence Hines adds that the mythical entity is “much searched for, much discussed, but unverified by objective means.”
The most significant analysis of its existence was undertaken in New York by Dr Amichai Kilchevsky. Despite searching back through “clinical trials, meeting abstracts, case reports, and review articles” since 1950, he couldn’t substantiate “any valid objective data” indicating its validity.
Fellas – for those of you questioning the legitimacy of every single sexual experience you’ve had to date, I do have some good news. There was one single thread of consistency between each and every scientific study: more research is needed.
Whether it does or doesn’t exist, whether it’s subjective or a myth, there’s still plenty of other stuff you can do to satisfy your partner and reach the same conclusion.
The secret to female pleasure has been one for the ages
Aristotle and Hippocrates debated the source of female pleasure way back in 350 BCE. Despite it being hard to believe women around the world had supposedly overlooked it for thousands of years, in 1559 Realdo Colombo published De Re Anatomica, in which he claimed to be the first-ever person to discover the clitoris. He called it “the love or sweetness of Venus.” Freud contributed to the discussion in the early 1900s, asserting women had two separate types of orgasms: vaginal and clitoral, the latter being “infantile and immature.”
In 1950, gynaecologist Ernst Gräfenberg observed countless women pleasuring themselves in the name of science and made a unique discovery. When a specific area on the front inside wall of the vagina was stimulated, it led to immediate pleasure, and oftentimes, fluid.
This backed up Freud’s claim, which dissed clitoral pressure in favour of vaginal stimulation. Over 30 years later, it was named after him; sexologist Beverly Whipple PhD and her team immortalised his sacrifice under the guise of the Gräfenberg spot – or the ‘G’ spot.
Whipple has educated over a generation of men and women since in their search for it: insert an index finder, palm up, all the way, and make a ‘come hither’ motion. This was to be followed by the most important and understated part of the routine, of course – not looking surprised, excited, or alarmed when or if you get a reaction.
Yet the discourse continues to be divided
Swears every man, everywhere, in front of his mates. “If you know, you know.”
It exists, but…
It’s just the internal portion of the clitoris.
Some researchers claim it has been misattributed as a new entity but is simply the back of the clitoris. The clitoris, similar to an iceberg, is far more than what can be seen externally.
It’s impossible to prove.
Studies like this one assert that while stimulation in the zone yields results, no consistency of the spot could be concluded from over 100 biopsies. Women are all unique, down there.
You can’t find it if you’re British.
Researchers at the King’s College London tested over 900 sets of twins and published inconclusive findings in the Journal of Sexual Medicine. French gynaecologists Sylvain Mimoun and Odile Buisson claimed 60% of women have it, but the British participants were simply incapable of finding it. Buisson added, “I think the Protestant, Liberal, Anglo-Saxon character means you are very pragmatic.”
It doesn’t exist…
No matter if you’re dead or alive.
In 2017, a postmortem study on 13 female cadavers was unable to detect its location or structure, claiming, “The G-spot is not identified as a discrete anatomic entity at macroscopic dissection of the urethra or vaginal wall.”
But men want it to.
It’s a nod to P-in-V sex, and both parties being able to find pleasure, together, at the same time. This is an attractive proposal despite only 18.4% of women admitting that penetration alone (of the G-spot or otherwise) can bring them to orgasm.
And don’t bloody bother.
Another study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine discovered women who preferred clitoral stimulation had even stronger sexual desire. So focus your energy on where it actually matters.
What do women have to say about the G-spot?
It’s a sensitive topic, literally. Some women claim to experience pleasure in that spot, others don’t. But undoubtedly its existence, or lack thereof, has resulted in a lot of guilt and shame for women, which is perhaps the worst possible combination of emotions for sexual exploration.
For women, mindset is key to sexual pleasure, which adds a whole other layer of complexity. If a woman feels comfortable and uninhibited, and the sex takes place in a positive context, the sensation of pressure on the area will be pleasurable. If she’s stressed, rushed, uncomfortable, and not feeling it, it creates a negative sex context, whereby pressure even on the right area absolutely won’t be pleasurable.
So regardless whether you’re hitting the X that supposedly marks the spot, if she’s not adequately aroused, or comfortable with you; it won’t even matter.
Dr. Petra Boynton, a University College London sexual psychologist says, “It’s fine to go looking, but do not worry if you don’t find it. It should not be the only focus.”
Other things you can do instead of looking for the G-spot
Try to have sex like the internet doesn’t exist.
If you’ve put the G-spot to rest, don’t try to search for another quick-fix online. You’ll likely just be confusing your partner with awkward and jagged wrist movements as you reenact directions you plotted from Google or porn.
Men and women get off differently. And for women, sex is absolutely not a race to orgasm. Debby Herbenick PhD notes that for women, “The best predictors of sexual satisfaction are intimacy and connection.” Women care more about the journey than the final destination, so you need to recalibrate your approach.
Take your time and explore further.
Guys can pop off and feel satisfied, but women can climax well into double figures all in the one night. Meaning her sexual appetite is actually much, much bigger. So doesn’t it make sense to find your way to all her erogenous zones, as oppose to hedging all your bets on just one?
If you need a basic refresher on repertoire, who can forget this scene from Friends. While this matrix developed by Whipple’s team can help you keep track of the 15 types of touch across yours and hers’ 35 body parts that can lead to orgasm.
Make her want to explore and especially with you.
It’s going to help if she’s circumnavigated the globe solo. Pornstar Nina Hartley advises in the 4 Hour Body; “She has to at least come up to the starting line. If she doesn’t, she’ll be more trouble (baggage-wise) than it’s worth unless you get off on being the fixer.”
Ideally, she can explain to you what works for her. But you can help ease her into it by telling her how beautiful, exciting, and amazing she is. And making her feel as comfortable as possible. However, no matter what she can get done alone, she will need your help with the following: kissing, fondling, extended undressing, whispering, making requests, eye contact, music, smell, touch, play…
Whenever in doubt, I always refer back to Seinfeld. I think this classic Costanza advice will do: “Jerry, just remember. It’s not a lie if you believe it.”
Whatever inspires and fuels your exploration, the more you’ll likely stumble upon a whole lot of other stuff about your partner’s desire for sexuality and pleasure. Which is going to have pretty epic results either way.