The World’s Smallest Condom Is Now Available (So Tell Your Mates)

Tokyo Olympic condoms

They’ve done it. With just a few weeks to go, science has finally made the breakthrough of the decade – by making the world’s smallest condom. So that mate of yours can now comfortably do the vertical shuffle without slapping on a loose garbage bag.

The fine folk over at TheyFit have announced a new range of condoms suitable for micro-penises (micro-penii?). For those of you unaware, this starts at 3.1 inches long which is half the length of the average chop.

But if you’re feeling self-conscious, don’t feel bad. As the website will assure you, finding condoms that are too long for your requirements is actually quite a common issue among men.

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In all seriousness, the lads and lasses at TheyFit are actually doing God’s work when it comes to de-stigmatising the demand for smaller / smallest condom and catering to proper sizing. One should never neglect having the right fit for both sexual health and comfort reasons.

Anyways, back to our regularly scheduled piss-take. Here are some other people aside from your mate who might need one:

  • Hummer drivers
  • Local DJs
  • People who exclusively drink craft beer
  • People who think yelling “Yiew” in public is a personality
  • LinkedIn recruiters who saw The Wolf of Wall Street one time and makes it everyone else’s problem
  • Boss Hunting’s Creative Director, James Want
  • My stepdad (fuck you, Dave)