They’ve done it. With just a few weeks to go, science has finally made the breakthrough of the decade – by making the world’s smallest condom. So that mate of yours can now comfortably do the vertical shuffle without slapping on a loose garbage bag.
The fine folk over at TheyFit have announced a new range of condoms suitable for micro-penises (micro-penii?). For those of you unaware, this starts at 3.1 inches long which is half the length of the average chop.
But if you’re feeling self-conscious, don’t feel bad. As the website will assure you, finding condoms that are too long for your requirements is actually quite a common issue among men.
In all seriousness, the lads and lasses at TheyFit are actually doing God’s work when it comes to de-stigmatising the demand for smaller / smallest condom and catering to proper sizing. One should never neglect having the right fit for both sexual health and comfort reasons.
Anyways, back to our regularly scheduled piss-take. Here are some other people aside from your mate who might need one:
- Hummer drivers
- Local DJs
- People who exclusively drink craft beer
- People who think yelling “Yiew” in public is a personality
- LinkedIn recruiters who saw The Wolf of Wall Street one time and makes it everyone else’s problem
- Boss Hunting’s Creative Director, James Want
- My stepdad (fuck you, Dave)