101 Things To Do While You’re In Self Isolation

  1. Download Hinge, Bumble, and Tinder (if you’re not single, head straight to #7)
  2. Get rejected on Hinge, Bumble, and Tinder
  3. Get Pornhub premium [UPDATE: now free for everyone]
  4. Or get a VPN to make it look like you’re in Italy (where Pornhub Premium is currently free) [UPDATE: Refer to the update in #3]
  5. Clean your room approximately 4 and a half minutes after #4
  6. Order yourself a trophy engraved with “New Record Time” on Amazon
  7. Drink a big glass of wine delivered to your door by a wine subscription service (Good Pair Days, for example)
  8. Go to sleep in some fresh new sheets
  9. Think to yourself, “To hell with it… let’s get a new mattress as well.”
  10. Restock your pad with aromatically pleasing candles
  11. Play some online poker
  12. Lose at some online poker
  13. Come back and play some more online poker (because you have a problem)
  14. Download ‘Call Of Duty: Warzone’ or ‘Apex Legends’
  15. Get stuck into some board games
  16. Or some puzzles (maybe even consider a puzzle subscription service)
  17. Learn to speak a new language, consider apps like Duolingo or Memrise
  18. Realise your mistake and get harassed by the Duolingo Owl for an eternity
  19. If you liked ‘Bodyguard’, binge watch ‘Line of Duty’
  20. Remember reading’s still a thing
  21. Read a business book
  22. Or a novel
  23. While sipping on some Scotch
  24. Get stuck into a home workout
  25. And listen to a podcast at the same time to keep the brain ticking along
  26. Watch some classic matches on Kayo
  27. Marie Kondo the shit out of your house and wardrobe
  28. Consider building some DIY furniture – check out IKEA’s blog Livet Hemma
  29. Upskill yourself with sites like SkillShare, Coursera, or Udemy
  30. Turn your house into a giant pillow and blanket fort (like the one in Community)
  31. Sing outside your window like they’re doing in Italy and try to get your neighbours involved
  32. Or get to know your neighbour by having a chat through the window/across the balcony
  33. If you’re a PT or yoga instructor and have access to a rooftop, encourage your neighbours to keep fit like this guy in Spain 
  34. Attempt to grow a beard
  35. Be told to shave it off or never be allowed near children again
  36. Attempt a real-life drawing of your roommate – or if it’s with your lover try, and recreate the famous scene in Titanic
  37. Consider sex toys to keep your horizontal salsa routine fresh
  38. Put a movie on mute and try some bad lip reading (best done after a hearty go at #7)
  39. Or try your own version of Drunk History
  40. Get better at chess
  41. Find an insane recipe that you want to turn into your pièce de résistance and practice until perfect so you can impress your next date (whenever that may be)
  42. Learn how to salsa in your living room on YouTube
  43. Sit outside and look at some stars for a bit of perspective
  44. Spring clean your Spotify library and playlists 
  45. Host a quarantine Boiler Room Party via Facetime
  46. Brew your own booze (you may very well start a new business while you’re at it)
  47. Come up with that billion-dollar idea
  48. Learn Feng shui and rearrange your house/apartment 
  49. Play ‘The Floor Is Lava’
  50. Treat yourself to a bubble bath with Epsom salts and put on a face mask 
  51. Buy a canvas and paint it while drink wine…
  52. Or try painting a masterpiece for your feature wall without the booze
  53. Watch the full Marvel Universe in the correct order
  54. Brush up on your cocktail making skills and kit out your home bar
  55. Learn to give a killer massage
  56. Learn the art of tantra sex or the Karma Sutra (extra points if you and your partner get through all the positions) 
  57. Print out all of the best photos of the last decade from Instagram and Facebook and create a photo album or picture board for your wall
  58. Buy a laser tag kit online and compete with your roommates 
  59. Eat some (hash)brownies and watch stand-up comedy specials on Netflix
  60. Turn your house into your very own crazy golf
  61. Become a bird-watching expert
  62. Care for your plants
  63. If you don’t have any, look up Bonsai trees and somehow end up watching ‘Karate Kid’ again
  64. Clean the dust off your fan blades
  65. Then clean the dust out of your undies (burn, you haven’t gotten lucky in a while)
  66. Polish your R.M. Williams
  67. Get really good at ironing
  68. Make a short film… the genre and content is entirely up to you
  69. Think of new ways to call a beer a beer, we’ll add any crackers with credit where they’re due
  70. Then think of other ways to put your mate back in his box
  71. Download the ‘Beer With Me’ app so you can find where the party is at after this is all over
  72. Practice your golf swing
  73. Expand your vinyl record collection
  74. Learn a glossary of easy whisky terms every man should know
  75. Try the Wim Hof breathing method
  76. Teach yourself how to drive stick in five minutes or less (auto losers)
  77. Start a blog
  78. Or maybe an IGTV series about your time in isolation
  79. Download TikTok
  80. Then delete TikTok because you’re over the age of 14
  81. Check out the new BH ‘Lunch Run’ Facebook watch series
  82. Learn how to edit your iPhone phones and make them look cooler with Adobe
  83. Listen to the entire discography of Friday Sharpeners, particular the greatest pick-up story of all time in Season 1, Episode 6
  84. Write your will
  85. That’s a bit grim, how about you write some poetry instead
  86. That’s a bit lame, how about you write an erotic novel instead
  87. That’s a bit much, see #3
  88. Get stuck into a colouring book approximately 3.5 minutes after
  89. Realise how great colouring books are
  90. Make a kickass paper aeroplane
  91. Then bet your roommates you can win a paper aeroplane contest from your balcony
  92. Put your winnings into Qantas shares for sometime later
  93. Hit up a local Facebook group and offer to help any elderly people with their shopping or errands (if you’re ‘rona free)
  94. Teach yourself Origami
  95. Hunt for a free Samsung Galaxy S20 Pro online
  96. Learn how to play Wonderwall on guitar
  97. Then never learn anything else on the guitar again and make it everyone else’s problem
  98. Replace your girlfriend’s fancy hand wash with hand sanitiser that actually works
  99. Once you’re clear, head to the Winchester
  100. Have a pint
  101. And wait for this to all blow over.