One tends to re-evaluate their priorities in the face of a generation-defining pandemic. Do you really want to spend the rest of your days logging data into some whogivesafuck Excel spreadsheet, and within a company where your expandability is painfully obvious? Or do you want to play a vital role in the day-to-day of a larger than life figure like Kid Cudi – who’s positively itching to hire a professional blunt roller.
The Grammy-winning man with an ethereal hum issued a callout via Twitter earlier this week, posting what may possibly be the most delightful job listing in the history of job listings:
“I need a professional blunt roller in LA. Hit @Shift_leader06 with a resume. Serious inquiries only.”
Based on what other rappers have disclosed in passing, the role of professional blunt roller – with Kid Cudi or otherwise – is quite the lucrative occupation (relative to what it involves, anyways).
Snoop Dogg was among the first to reveal he had such an employee on the Howard Stern Show alongside fellow aficionado of the herb, Seth Rogen.
“That motherfucker is like Lurch from the Addams Family. ‘You rang?’” quipped Snoop Dogg.
“Timing. That motherfucker’s timing is impeccable. That’s his J-O-B, his occupation. On his resume, it says: ‘What do you do? I’m a blunt roller.’ P-B-R. Professional blunt roller.”
“He knows how to gauge the look on somebody’s face when it seems like they want a blunt, and if they do, he gives you one,” confirms Seth Rogen.
“There’s been like 40 minutes where I’m, like… I’m just watching this guy and I’m just going to see what is going on here. As someone who smokes a lot of weed, it’s fucking fascinating.
“Honestly, the amount of time I spend rolling joints, it might be worth my while financially to hire someone to do that.”
Tha Dogg Father himself later revealed the full-time position comes with a base salary of approximately US$50,000 (AU$70,000), as well as plenty of perks, i.e. free food, clothes, and of course, all the weed your heart could desire. In an episode of Jobs Unlisted by Complex, host Speedy Morman learned Waka Flocka Flame had someone similar on his payroll earning about the same money.
Quavo of the Migos, on the other hand, employs a personal assistant by the name of Joshua Washington who’d undoubtedly be charged with similar duties among other tasks, ranging from sheltering his delicate complexion through the use of an umbrella, polishing his icy collection of jewellery, to whatever Operations Management entails over at Quavo’s record label, Huncho Records. For Washington’s troubles, he apparently takes home US$5,000 (AU$7,000) a day. That’s roughly US$1.82 million (AU$2.55 million) per year before taxes.
“My assistant a millionaire!” Quavo proclaimed on Instagram.
Anyways, here’s a video of Kid Cudi tripping absolute balls during MGMT’s ‘Electric Feel’.
Happy Friday, folks!