Most guys blow their dating app openers right out of the gate. They either risk it with the most polarising and low-effort opener (โHeyโ) or overcompensate with a cringeworthy sales pitch that screams, โPlease like me!โ
Hereโs the truth: opening lines are less about what you say and more about how you say it. A good opener shows youโre interested, not desperate; that youโve paid attention, not copy-pasted. Most importantly, it shows youโre here for an actual conversation that converts to a bloody date.
Want to escape inbox purgatory? Focus on effort, personalisation, and timing. These minuscule yet thoughtful 1%er actions are a sure-fire way to put you ahead of the competition.
Housekeeping
Before you even think about a dating app opener, sort out your profile. Why? Because getting a match doesnโt guarantee a reply. Once the conversation is in play, theyโre still actively toggling between your profile and the chat, debating whether youโre worth the time and energy.
The profile is your foundation. You need four to six high-quality and recent photos, ideally with a huge smile and positive energy. Your bio and prompts should provoke an easy reaction. Put in the effort here, and you might not even need to worry about an opener โ they could be messaging you first instead.
Assuming, โThey swiped right, Iโm good,โ is a rookie mistake. The swipe couldโve easily been a fumble, a drunk move, or a moment of down-bad weakness. If your match double-checks that profile and itโs underwhelming, theyโll move on. Side note: consider getting your profile Photo and ID verified, the little blue tick adds a layer of trust.
A great profile does the heavy lifting, turning your opener into a natural next step instead of a desperate plea.
Due diligence
The other big mistake most guys make? Ignoring your matchโs profile.
Everything you need for a dating app opener is right there like a cheat sheet: photos, prompts, and quirks. That line about loving dogs or hating reality TV (keeper)โฆ Pick it up and run with it!
It works because it is personalised, shows baseline consideration, and sets the stage for an easy, natural conversation. Itโs not a magic line, itโs you paying attention. If youโre struggling, revisit what caught your eye when you swiped right and turn that into a line (but maybe keep it PG).
Donโt come on too strong
Matching isnโt an automatic green light to reel her in (whatever that may entail). The first date is, at this point, still unearned.
Your match will generally want to vibe you out and your quality of banter through the chat before committing to an IRL meet-up. And honestlyโฆ it doesnโt take that long. Hold off for at least five to seven messages or two to three days of consistent messaging.
Essays are a no-no
โHeyโ isnโt effort. Neither is โHow are you?โ But firing off a novel with five questions is also lousy behaviour.
Nobody wants to open an app and face a wall of text from a stranger. Itโs overwhelming and screams โhomework.โ Your dating app opener should be short, snappy, and easy to reply to. The goal is to push the conversation forward, not cover everything in one exhaustive hit.
Pro tip: mirror her texting style. If her bio is casual or packed with emojis, match that tone, grammar, and emoji usage. Syncing up with her pace and style makes the conversation flow effortlessly.
Donโt be a pest
Not every message will land, become at peace with that fact of life.
Maybe your match is busy, uninterested, or hasnโt seen the notification. Thatโs not an excuse to spiral. Sending the unholy trinity of โHey?โ followed by โ??โ or โGuess youโre not interestedโ isnโt just embarrassing. Itโs self-sabotage.
Hereโs the deal: you canโt control her response. All you can do is roll up your sleeves, shoot your shot, and leave it alone. If she doesnโt reply, it doesnโt reflect your worth. Move on with some dignity.
Keep it classy
Negging isnโt clever, itโs just sad.
Backhanded compliments wonโt win you any points. Theyโll only get you unmatched, blocked, or reported. Instead, show genuine interest and an air of confidence without being a flog about it.
Remember: confidence isnโt about tearing someone down just to lift yourself up. Compliment your match in a way that shows youโve got something going on between the ears. Humour is also great, but forcing it to prove youโre funny? Not so much.
Effort is sexy
If thereโs on lesson I want you to walk away with, itโs that effort, effort, and more effort is a flex.
Most women are drowning in lazy dating app openers, so even a little thought will go a long way (the bar is quite literally near the sea ground). Use her name, reference something niche in her profile, or show her youโve read her prompts.
Youโre already ahead of the game when you make her feel like youโre genuinely interested, not just mass door knocking in desperate the hopes of snagging a catch.
Also keep in mind that the perfect opener isnโt going to get you off the app. Itโs simply your chance of getting a foot in the door. The rest comes down to you: be curious, present, and cool.
The guys who win at dating apps arenโt necessarily the most interesting, theyโre the ones who pay more attention and donโt take it personally if the back-and-forth doesnโt pan out.
While youโre here, check out some other cracking guides from evidence-based dating coach and Tinder ambassador Sera Bozza:
- How To Take A Good Dick Pic: A Complete Guide
- 10 Crucial Tips For Dating An Older Woman
- A Girlโs Group Chat Tells Us What Not To Wear On A First Date
- A Girlโs Group Chat Tells Us What They Look For Before Swiping Right
- The Text You Should Send Instead Of Ghosting
- A Modern Manโs Guide To โAttachment Stylesโ
- How To Tackle Valentineโs Day When Youโre Only Two Dates In
- Casual Sex Etiquette 101: What Women Want You To Know
- Become A Sex God With These Simple Workouts
- The Long-Distance Playbook: How To Keep The Spark Alive
- How To Break Up With Someone The Right Way
- The Hot/Crazy Scale Is Real & Actually Backed By Science
- 10 Things Women Look For In Your Apartment
- 4 Affordable First Date Ideas Thatโll Earn You A Second Look
