There is a common misconception amongst people, particularly young people, that being single is the same as being alone, and unfortunately there is a stark difference between the two which I feel is extremely important to recognize. In fact, if you are one who often makes this deduction, you are one of two people, either
a) you really haven’t afforded yourself the opportunity to be single through a string of relationships or settling for the one you’re in.
b) you are single and are not owning this moment-in-time and therefore feel alone.
It can be really tough to see the single life beyond what the stereotypical conclusions people make for you, but I am here to shed light on why you aren’t alone – your single and it’s about time people start to appreciate the value of that!
Being single and independent has been the most valuable time in my life and my growth as a person. It isn’t easy working out how to navigate the decisions and life challenges as a lone soldier and getting through those days where you just wish there was a shoulder to lean on. The strength you develop as you continue to push through this is invaluable to your future. Things work out the way they do for a reason, and the most important thing you can do is take ownership of this time on your own to really work out exactly what it is you want. What is important to you? What are you goals? Who are you as a person? What person is going to make you happy? You need to gain confidence and strength from the fact that you don’t need another person in your life, you may simply want one. That is a very empowering mindset and will allow you to approach the dating world in a different manner. There will only be room in your life for the right person, and your strength will allow you to walk away if this isn’t the case, even if there isn’t a backup plan.
We need to be realistic and open with ourselves, what is our past? What person were we and who are we becoming? Do we possess the self-worth we need to stand up for what we believe? If we jump from person to person, have we had the space to really look at ourselves for the answer? Or if we have struck a new relationship soon after ending one are you confident you are not hiding away from these realities? I am not saying that you cannot be young and in love, but discounting the journey of another person is unfair and naïve. Similarly, recognizing the importance of this personal growth is critical in helping you assess the nature of your current relationship. Maybe you view your single friend as lonely, or perhaps someone playing the game or maybe you think they are missing out on love and affection or they just need to get their life together. These assumptions are often just plain wrong.
Loneliness comes from isolation, it comes from feeling like there is no connection and understanding from those around you. It’s critical to remember that some of the loneliest people around are the ones who are in a relationship, and that’s because being in the wrong relationship can be the most isolating and demoralizing experience in the world. In the end it is the essence, passion and genuineness of our relationships, whether platonic or not, that determine how we feel in this world. If we are surrounded by love and our life is full of it, then how can we view ourselves as alone?