20,000 Flamethrower Sales Later, Elon Musk Becomes Real Life Hank Scorpio

There’s a case to be made that Elon Musk could be the world’s greatest supervillain. On paper, he has all the trimmings of a Daniel Craig era Bond adversary; (Rupert Murdoch would fit the bill for a pre-Craig era Bond villain). But as the face of Tesla and Space X recently released a line of now sold out flamethrowers branded under The Boring Company, I couldn’t help but draw comparisons with another culturally significant supervillain.

One Hank Scorpio.

For the uninitiated, and those devoid of a proper childhood, Scorpio is an evil genius, founder of the Globex Corporation, billionaire, philanthropist, and pretty much Elon Musk. The former also happens to share a penchant for flame projectile weapons with the latter, but that’s more of a cosmetic detail.

What we’re really concerned about right now is how these two connect on a spiritual level. And at the heart of that is, despite how good of a boss both eccentric titans of industry stand to be, there’s something sinister. Something sinister about their persons, lurking just beneath the surface. Like at any moment, they’ll flip a nuclear switch and start the doomsday countdown.

To prove a point, here’s a little game of “Who said the line – Musk or Scorpio?”:

1. “I would like to die on Mars. Just not on impact.”
2. “Hey, look at my feet. You like those moccasins? Look in your closet; there’s a pair for you. Don’t like them? Then neither do I!” [throws shoes out the door.]
3. “It’s OK to have your eggs in one basket as long as you control what happens to that basket.”
4. “I think you should always bear in mind that entropy is not on your side.”
5. “I don’t expect anything from you, except to die and be a very cheap funeral.”
6. “Rockets are cool. There’s no getting around that.”
7. “Hammocks? My goodness, what an idea. Why didn’t I think of that? Hammocks!… There’s four places. There’s the Hammock Hut, that’s on third.”
8. “I’ve been to Disneyland, like, 10 times. I’m getting really tired of Disneyland.”
9. “Can’t argue with the little things, it’s the little things that make up life.“
10. “I’m reasonably optimistic about the future, especially the future of the United States – for the century, at least.”
11. “The key to motivation is trust. Let me show you what I mean. I want you to close your eyes and fall backwards, and then I’ll catch you. That’s gonna show you what trust is all about. Ready?”
12. “My butt’s for sitting, not for kissing.”

If your answers were:

1. Musk
2. Scorpio
3. Musk
4. Musk
5. Scorpio
6. Musk
7. Scorpio 
8. Musk
9. Scorpio
10. Musk
11. Scorpio
12. Scorpio

Congratulations, you’ve got a keen eye for looking through my shenanigans. Now lets just all pray there isn’t an autonomous uprising of sentient Telsas.